CyanogenMod ROMs bad reviews2

Maybe if I speak louder they’ll understand

Today’s reviews come from the CyanogenMod ROMs app. This is a Spanish language app that helps you to download a CyanogenMod based ROM on a rooted phone.

What the app does is not important, what you want to take heed of here is Spanish language, free app, and did I mention the description was all in Spanish?

CyanogenMod ROMs bad reviews2

 

These are just a sample of the ~470 1 & 2-star reviews.

Now, a couple of things to also take note of are that the Play Store allows you to translate the Spanish language into somewhat broken English and read that if your phone isn’t supported to email the developer and he’ll add it, and to please do that rather than rating the thing negatively.

There are also a series of threats that they’ll leave one-star ratings if their phone isn’t on the supported models. Old threats left there dragging the app’s rating down which in turns makes it less SEO relevant and less likely to get downloaded.

Imagine there’s a baker out there and he’s giving out free cupcakes. You go and try the cupcake and find that it doesn’t quite fit properly in your car’s cup holder to take it home easily. You could easily ask the baker to trim the cupcake down a bit or go to the cupcake store next door and get one to your liking, however you decide to threaten to picket the free cupcake stand until such time as the developer makes you a  correctly sized cupcake, but you’re speaking in Navajo Code Talker language and the baker is deaf. That’s sort of what’s going on here.

poop

This is one of the reasons we can’t have nice things.

What Gotham needs is a good suing

Batman Arkham Origins is evidently not the finest Gotham can produce

Nothing brings fear to the minds of Gotham’s ne’er-do-wells like the threat of someone’s dad suing a company because a game crashes.

If you’re not familiar with Batman: Arkham Origins, it’s a free game put out by Warner Brothers about the Dark Knight and some Gotham adventures.

I guess the case could be made that the in-app purchases you buy entitle you to a refund if you’ve purchased them on a game that’s crashing quite a bit, but then again why would you purchase something in a game that doesn’t work?

What’s better than that, and I had to do a little cut and pasting so yes, the rating is moved a bit from where it’s supposed to be, the guy rates it above average.

In Yelp terminology that means it’s A-OK. I don’t think that’s the rating this person was attempting to leave while threatening a baseless lawsuit.

Just because you want a free game to work doesn’t mean you’re legally entitled to it.

Thanks for sending this in Alex!

Instagram logo

Meanwhile on Instagram…

One day on Google Play I was trying to find something in the Instagram reviews. Instead of finding it, I found these:

One Star wait wait wait no five stars.... never mind

I’ll start off the site with something that’s confused me and I see quite a bit. People who claim they’re giving a product one star and instead give it five. Now I don’t know whether to believe them or not.

Come out and fix that network

In 1991 I believe I could have forgiven this. At that time most people didn’t have computers, the idea that there was a set limit on data transmission across a network might have been forgiven.

Today with every other carrier commercial talking about their network speeds and most people having the understanding that an image is a file and that file has size, this person is asking Instagram to go and fix his cell phone carrier’s network for him.

“Hey UPS, these 150 pound weights I ordered are too heavy for me to easily carry up the stairs. Make my arms strong!”

Flipagram liars you're liars I tell you

I have no snarky comment here, the review just amused me. I feel you should spike your phone down after a review like that.

It's a sad state when Instagram, owned by Facebook, which has no political affiliations starts blocking their right wing customer base

This one was my personal favorite. The author evidently believes that the people who design and maintain Instagram sit around blocking people from commenting on things based on political ideology.

Instagram is owned by Facebook, which is owned by a guy who doesn’t give two craps about what political party you are as long as he makes money off of you.

Instagram responds to complaints by its members who have been harassed by users. My bet is this particular person didn’t post a comment that said “wow, beautiful photo, I’m a republican by the way,” and get blocked.

But I could be wrong. Perhaps they do go through and check political party registration state by state and make sure you’re voting to keep the liberal demoncrats in office and will appease the Satan-loving left wing Instagram users.

Stupid App Reviews starting logo

Oh hai internets

Stupid App Reviews starting logoSo a while back I happened to read an app review in which a woman threatened to “sew” an app developer because her phone wasn’t supported. Another person on another application threatened a developer’s life because the app (labeled as a beta,) crashed frequently and he had to re-launch it.

Before that I’d watched a developer go off on someone who asked an innocent and honest question about a default setting.

The overreactions from opposite sides of the development worlds got me to realizing that there’s both humor and extreme unwarranted anger toward the developers who make our toys, and the people who use them.

Also there are a lot of people with smartphones and keyboards who need to calm down for a few minutes and think about whether they want to threaten the life of someone because their app crashes won’t let them take their move all the time, or they have to enter a username and password occasionally.

What popped out as amusing to me, especially with the death threats, was how hilarious the overreactions were to what amounted to “you gave me a toy for free, it doesn’t work like I want it to.” Maybe that’ll be funny, maybe not.

My name is Paul. I was a comedian for eight years, I’m a landlord, tech writer, baby blogger, IT manager/tech for a couple of companies, internet troll, programmer, father, holder of shedded cat fur, and probably all around unlikable guy.

And hopefully Stupid App Reviews will either have something to amuse you, troll you with, or educate you to the realities of software development and posting on the internet.

And sometimes I’ll review an app that’s incredibly stupid I’m sure.

Or maybe not.

There’ll be a contact us link at some point shortly unless I abandon the idea completely because I can’t keep it from being mean-spirited, so feel free to join in what will either be some fun, or a quick descent into being a bunch of internet jerks, in which case I’ll probably scrub the site.

Stupid App Reviews is just a little project site at the moment, so if it’s a hassle or I’m being mean, well that’s $14 for the domain I’d be willing to walk away from.